By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
