Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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