you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
