Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
