Where is the hickey?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
