im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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