I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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