And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
