hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
