You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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