Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize