I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We just shotgunned beers for America
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
