I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
