you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
