your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
