:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
