Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
