but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
