Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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