at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
