I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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