Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
