Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
