lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
