one might say we're banned from that church
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
