Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
