i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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