My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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