lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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