I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
