I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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