eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
