Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
