Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
