were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
