Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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