I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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