I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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