Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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