lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
