it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
