There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
