you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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