When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
