I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
