first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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