I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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