you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
