I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
