Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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