All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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