Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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