Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
