Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
