He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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