If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
