Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
