oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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