I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to calm my uterus...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
