So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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