I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
