ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
