i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
