i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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