I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
