I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
