News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize