he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
