he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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