i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
