I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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