I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
