that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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