you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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