OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
