im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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